After hearing the news that US Disney Parks have banned smoking and vaping, it’s now come to light that it’s not the only thing they have banned. Here’s a list of forbidden items and rules for the UK parks.

No Smoking/Vaping, No laughing, No Smiling, No illegal drugs, No medication, No guns, No laser pens, No mobile phones, No enjoying yourself, You must bow to Mickey Mouse every day at 11AM, No Mickey ears as he finds them offensive, No spectacles or hearing aids, No memes, No sex in hotels, No horses, No other pets, No guide dogs, All guests are required to attend a Disney Church service, No Unicycles and lastly No Water after 2PM.

 

 

DISCLAIMER!: This is fake news and isn’t intended to be taken seriously.

 

Its been confirmed that Channel 5 might be putting out a new Fun Fair documentary this summer.

’Britain’s best waltzers’ will have a member of the Fun Fair community hosting a new show travelling all over the UK trying to find the greatest waltzer in the country.

Our money is on the one at Folly Farm.

The series is rumoured to be hosted by Andy Rummey (Coaster Crazy) but there is no evidence to support this.

 

 

*Disclaimer: This is fake news and shouldn’t be taken seriously. Also, go and subscribe to Coaster Crazy on YouTube.

Megafobia at Oakwood Theme Park in Wales has finally undergone re-tracking over the closed season and by the looks of the photos, it’s finally had the RMC treatment.

If you look on their Twitter feed, the track is clearly a Rocky Mountain Construction piece of engineering and enthusiasts are jizzing in their pants at the thought of riding what is already regarded as the best wooden coaster in the UK (or best rollercoaster in Wales).

Director of management at Wales Tourist Theme Park Ltd Huw Ewe says “Megafobia has been an important part of Welsh tourism for 25 years and it’s about time it got a refresh.”

Let us know your thoughts. Are you heading there this season?

 

 

 

*Disclaimer: This is fake news and is meant for entertainment purposes only.

No dungeon attractions are suitable for vegans. Reports have found smell pods among all of the attractions contain “human farts”.

These reports have been confusing as many people let off anal gasses on a regular basis but apparently the smell at London Dungeon on the weekend was “rank as cheese bruv”.

More news as we get it.

 

Disclaimer: This is fake news and isn’t intended to be taken seriously.

 

The ‘Jewel of the South West’ Brean Theme Park has been gearing up for the biggest opening in UK Park history. 60,000 people are set to enter the gates at the home of Sooty.

Fellow puppet Sweep said “It will be a momentous day for the park and the puppets. It might take away the fact that the Shit stain Pontins is next door.”

Theme Park fans can enjoy rides such as the Pinfari Crazy Loop and Astro Storm (Formerly Space Invader at Blackpool).

Get there on April 3rd for Thrills and Chills.

 

Disclaimer: The story is fake but the Park does open April 3rd.

Theme Park enthusiasts all over the country are suffering this evening after opening weekend. Some are even going on holiday to recover.

Alton Towers and Thorpe Park were the 2 main parks people were excited to get to after getting bored of Blackpool Pleasure Beach already.

Student Sam Tiddlenuts has spent the last month at BPB and was thrilled at the change of scenery. “The Big One can go suck on a big one. I’ve been waiting to ride Stealth for 4 months and i can finally get on a smooth coaster.”

Getting back to the article, it seems like many people in the community had a great weekend (Especially at the AT Hotel) and we wish a happy season to all of you for 2019.

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Arguably the backbone of Thorpe Park, the 1984 Mack Rides coaster ‘Flying Fish’ drew up to 6 hour queues today at their passholder event.

Enthusiast Spike Topenhat 34 said “It’s glorious to see such a classic coaster retain its charm and force after all these years’.

Others weren’t too nice about it. Shirley Shitehouse 43 quoted “6 Fucking hours we waited for this piece of shite so my kid could get a cred.”

We hope Shirley can give it a second chance.

 

Disclaimer: As always, it’s not true and is meant to entertain you scoundrels.

Struggling to save for a Theme Park trip? Don’t worry, we have you covered.

If you find that payday comes around and all of your money goes on rent, don’t worry as a solution is here and has been for a while. Not only do you not have to pay for a ticket, queue or get transport it is confirmed that you can experience the thrill via POV videos on YouTube.

If that’s not enough then get a VR headset and experience your favourite rides with a 360 view.

 

 

Disclaimer:This is a joke and you should support your Parks.

Word on the street is that Oblivion will be having a rebrand and the brand is… A unicorn.

From 2021 it will be known as “Fluffy’s Revenge and will feature a pink track, White and pink restraints and a pond surrounding the hole (giggidy).

Its rumoured that the on board audio will return as Fluffy will be giggling throughout the ride.

Let us know your thoughts.

 

 

 

 

Disclamer: This story isn’t real and is for entertainment purposes only.