Since the birth of this news blog we have seen a lot of drama and it is concerning. I’m the kind of person that takes a step back and avoids getting involved but now the creators of Geordie Shore are putting 15 Theme Park enthusiasts in a house full of cameras to catch all the fights and drama.

We aren’t giving away who is going on the show but it’s guaranteed popworld drama.

The first episode will be broadcast on MTV in the summer.

 

 

DISCLAIMER! This is fake news and meant for entertainment only. Please start getting along.

Now, I’m in no way glorifying being pudgy but as a XXL kind of guy I am kind of pissed off I can’t fit into clothing from Merlin parks. I’m one size too big. I even needed a bit of a push getting my restraint secure on Nemesis the other week.

I understand I can lose weight but it’s never that simple. I work long hours when many shops are closed and the only places to get food close by are McDonalds.

Maybe I could take a packed lunch? I could but have no refrigerator and no one likes a warm and sweaty sandwich. Even then I don’t really know the type of food choices to make.

Heres something that sucks though. I’m genuinely allergic to a lot of fruit. Apples, Pineapple, Plums, pears etc which means the only fruit I can have and enjoy are grapes. I love grapes but not every day.

Heres my challenge and will update on here. I’m heading back to Alton Towers in July (along with a trip to Paultons Park in June) and I’m going to make sure I can lose enough weight to buy a t shirt so meal planning has started and changes in my life. This might mean I’m not posting very frequently but it’s all going to be worth it.

 

LB x

The sun is out and many of you are heading to your local Theme/Amusement parks today but spare a thought for red haired people. They face the same stupid jokes like “Sun’s out, gingers in” and other overused and unfunny jokes because of the paleness of their skin and hair colour.

We live in 2019 where racism and discrimination against minorities is frowned upon and rightly so. The question is… Why do the red haired community STILL face jibes from the public? I mean, it is a form of racism and needs to stop as it can hurt victims emotionally and damages confidence.

Don’t be a cunt. Be nice to the red haired community. They are the same as you.

A movie based on the 2018 GCI wooden rollercoaster has been released. Well.. it was released back in 1973. Called “The Wicker Man”. It stars Edward Woodward and he travels to a remote island to be greeted with a strange cult that want to burn him…. You get the picture.

Another film which was made in 2006 was also released, following a similar plot with the ultimate meme lord Nicolas Cage in the title role. Apparently that one is a bit shit though.

 

 

From 2020 Nemesis Inferno is getting a sponsor and hopefully some TV promotion. The product is Vagisil which eases feminine itching and dryness.

A camera crew were at Thorpe Park last week filming a TV advertisement which will feature a young lady before applying the ointment and after which will show her boost in confidence which results in the woman taking a ride on Nemesis Inferno.

People have already complained on Twitter, branding it “Insensitive”.

Vagisil Inferno will debut on opening day 2020.

 

 

 

DISCLAIMER: This is 100% fake news and was intended for entertainment purposes only.

Wanted to spend the next few days at Legoland? Well you still can but every single ride has broken down due to “Technical difficulties”. It all started with the brand new Haunted House Monster Party and one by one, every other ride started breaking down.

Hopefully the rides will be running again after the maintenance team rush to every single ride before tomorrow morning.

Guests have been airing their grievances on Twitter. Gary Spaff said “All the rides are fucked, the kids are pissed off and the wife is off her nut.”

It’s not a good start of the season for Legolas Windsor.

 

 

DISCLAIMER:This is fake news and isn’t true at all.

Haunted House Monster Party is currently having technical problems (true).

James Bone (43) from Swansea has come out as a Coastersexual and is hoping to marry Megafobia despite the substantial age difference. Luckily ‘Phobia is 25 years old and the 18 year gap between them isn’t so bad. Unfortunately Megaphobia can’t actually consent to sex or marriage so Mr Bone can’t do anything about it.

He has already been caught rubbing his willy on the lap bar and has received a warning from Oakwood Theme Park so if he makes any sexual advances to Miss Phobia in the future, he will receive a lifetime ban.

”I only want to cuddle” Mr Bone claims but we aren’t buying it at all.

 

 

DISCLAIMER: This is fake news and is meant to immerse you.

If you’ve been on HEX at Alton Towers, you probably know that it’s not that bad. As a matter of fact, the boat ride at Cadbury World is probably scarier but there is a report of a 6 year old girl actually passing a solid during the ride section.

The smell lingered most of the day in The Vault. It is known that the turd stayed in the room until this morning where it took the cleaner 30 minutes to sweep it up using a dustpan and brush then wiped it down with an anti-bacterial wipe.

HEX will be back to normal today.

 

 

 

DISCLAIMER: This is fake news. No one took a poo in HEX.

We all love a shit coaster and there’s none more shit than HERO at Flamingo Land.

Dave Mcnut (16) from Northampton took a ride on Hero on Saturday and tweeted “Hero is the best ride in the world.” This was greeted with backlash as the Theme Park Community violently responded with tweets such as “You are a delusional tosser”, “Hero is as shit as Love Island” and “I don’t like you or your opinion.”.

Do you love or hate the ride?

Let us know on Twitter.

 

 

DISCLAIMER: This is fake news.

Disney added another ban after last weeks list of smoking, having fun, sex, breathing  out of your mouth, phones, screaming, Loony Toons merch and more.

Mickey Mouse said “Disney Parks are designed for children and adults need to grow up.”

Disney are known for their not so thrilling rides and Uber immersive themeing but maybe they are going through a big change?

Let us know your thoughts.

 

 

DISCLAIMER: This is fake so please don’t take it seriously.