Theme Park Review king Robb Alvey has allegedly had to have his foot surgically removed from Dwight Smartboi (22) all because of a negative comment made online.

Smartboi from Detroit, Michigan was involved in an online altercation in which he claimed “Steel Vengance sucks massive Dick”. Robb Alvey didn’t take this very well and preceded to block Mr Smartboi from an online forum however, Dwight was quickly unblocked and continued to poke fun of the well loved rollercoaster. “Steel Vengance is too fast and big to enjoy” he claimed and four days later he visited Alvey on a Theme Park Meet.

One hour into the meet an ambulance and fire truck was called because Mr Alvey preceded to kick Mr Smartboi up the arse with so much force, he lodged his foot into the rectum.

It took 3 hours to dislodge using butter and WD40. No other injury was reported.

We wish both men a speedy recovery.

Article written by Imogen Fudger

 

DISCLAMER-This is a satire story and isn’t true at all (I think).

As reported on other (real) news channels, we all know about the unfortunate demise of Zadra which is an RMC coaster scheduled to be built at EnergyLandia in Poland which was blown over in the recent storm.

Health and Safety concerns were brought up prior to the incident because it was reported that the structure was erected using PVA glue and sticky tape as a cost cutting measure. Nancy Bogoff who built the structure by hand all alone issued a statement. “What was I supposed to do when the only materials used in construction were matchsticks, PVA glue and sticky tape?”.

An anonymous member of the public have told us that the materials used were sold by Neil Buchanan from Art Attack. Neil refuses the statement and wants no part of the allegations.

More news as we get it.

Article by Kerry Arselick

With the list of honours upcoming, it has been widely reported by unreliable resources that Shawn Sanbrooke from the ever popular YouTube channel ‘Theme Park Worldwide’ is to receive a knighthood from the Queen.

Shawn (25)  is already known among the Theme Park community as ‘King Shawn’ and I’m sure it’s walcoming news for him and his other half Charlotte who is apparently “over the bloody moon” about the news.

Shawn who has been entertaining rollercoaster enthusiasts since 2012 found internet fame by vlogging at Theme Park and attraction locations and mainly being the entheusiast answer to Louix Theroux but with a shed full of mugs.

We are yet to hear from Sir Shawn but he is a very busy man who is currently building his very own coasters such as “The Prune” and “Echo Falls” on Planet Coaster.

As the TPW fanbase started to get ‘as big as a bastard house’ it was decided he would expand into ‘Adventure Shawn’, which is full of quotable references. The idea was to see who the real TPW fans are and hopefully get another silver YouTube Play button.

All of us here at UCNUK wish him the very best.

(We love you Shawn)

Article written by Godfrey Shethouse

It has been found by an unreliable source that the Blackpool Pleasure Beach favourite will be inducted into the very first official rollercoaster industry bigwigs HOF 2019.

Chairman of the RIB Henry Plopski said “ has been known over the world for being one of the smoothest Suspended Looping Coasters in the world and we can’t wait to induct the most reliable coaster at Pleasure Beach into the Hall”.

At the beginning of the season Infusion was so popular with guests, it attracted queues of up to 12 hours with most thrill seekers heading to the ride instead of the inferior “Icon” which unfortunately had to close on opening weekend due to a swan being found nesting eggs under the second launch.

BPB are yet to comment on the induction but a congratulations is in order.

 

Article written by Monty Backscratch.