Scientists have found that Rollercoasters are a gateway drug to Heroin. 

Drug expert Doctor Pepper has been doing research on the topic for five years at Bristol University.

“Rollercoasters release dopamine at extremely high levels and the feeling of that much euphoria can only be compared to dangerous levels of heroin.”

In 2018 he tested 20 members of the general public by measuring positive feelings and facial expression with rollercoasters/heroin and came to the conclusion that both give out similar feelings of pleasure.

This sparked discussion that enthusiasts would look elsewhere for an adrenaline fix, especially around the closed season time.

Article written by Nancy Inversion

Rumours have been circulating through the Theme Park community this week about Secret Weapon 9. There have been many discussions about what it will be and where the new ride will go.

Unfortunately we don’t know 100% what the ride will be or even if it is a coaster but there are 3 strong contenders for the SW9 crown.

The first and our pick would be a Zamperla Volare. The model will be similar to ‘Hero’ at Flamingo Land due to the small amount of space it requires and comfortable restraints. Towers are no longer looking at ‘World’s First’ coasters anymore and we have heard it through the grapevine that this will be added in 2021.

The second is a Vekoma Boomerang which is rumoured to replace Nemesis. This will be brought in from another park and jazzed up a bit.

The last is a ZacSpin coaster similar to the Green Lantern:First Flight coaster at Six Flags Magic Mountain. With its twisty 4th dimension element, we can see this would be a great addition.

Member of the general public Gary Strangely said “Hero is the best coaster in the world and Towers should be humbled to have the opportunity of having such a great piece of engineering.”

Let us know what you want SW9 to be on our Twitter.

 

Article written by Hurdy Gurdy

Enthusiasts from all over the UK were left confused yesterday when a coaster con turned out to be full of beer mats and table coasters.

Tim Swift (22) from Essex said “It’s a bloody con mate. 10 quid to get in and it’s full of bloody beer mats.”

The convention was based in Blackpool so coaster fans still got their fix after the event. Unfortunately Icon and Valhalla broke down (again) and riders had to be rescued using the famous “rescue stick”.

Coaster con is also happening today at the Piss Pot pub if anyone is interested.

 

Article written by Carly Wurly

 

 

Scientist St Bernard Woofer has invented a special restraint able to let thrill seeker dogs take rollercoaster rides including inversions and giving the sensation of ejector airtime.

its an under the belly harness restraint that holds canines in an upright position, leaving paws to freely move about whilst the ride is in operation.

Mr woofer stated “This marks a new generation for Theme Parks and guide dogs”. The trial will begin on RMC’s WildFire rollercoaster at Kolmardon, Sweden in 2024 with opportunities for domestic pets in 2025.

Maybe in the future we could get fish restraints?

Tell us what you think on Twitter @ Unreliable Coaster News UK.

Article written by Simone Monemonemone

 

 

 

Disclamer: This is satire and not real news.

People of all ages love Lego and tiying in with the new Human Centipede Lego playset is a new Lego Human Centipede dark ride coming in 2020.

Chairman and inventor of Lego Leonard Gogogogogo announced the plans on his Tumblr page. “Get ready to ‘Eat It’ at Legoland next year when we get a butt twinging new dark ride addition to the Windsor Park”.

The actual playset will be available from July this year.

Article written by Tess Meoff

 

 

DISCLAMER: This is fake news and shouldn’t be taken seriously.

Derren Brown’s Ghost train will receive a new theme in 2020 it has been reported.

Entheusiast Carl Buttfart let out the news on his Twitter page yesterday (March 15th). “Derren Brown to be called Toast Train next year”. We normally take this with a pinch of salt but with the knead (lol) for a Re-theme The Ghost Train building will be turned into a huge loaf of bread and the VR will feature animated beans and a cheeky vegan sausage.

We will keep an eye out on Rate My Plate for updates.

 

Article written by Farty McPantaloons

Oakwood Theme Park in Wales is allegedly opening this season despite the park attracting hardly any guests.

In total there were apparently 5 guests throughout the 2018 season and 6 during the 2017 season.

The Oakwood Theme Park Big cheese Megan Fobia said “The numbers have been dropping for a long time but a big investment of the new cafe bin will surely bring in the punters this season.”

I among others are very excited by the news and look forward to seeing the Park progress.

 

Article written by Joe Kingmate

DISCLAMER: This is 100% satire and we love Oakwood. Love you guys.

It has been reported by an unreliable source that Disney are changing entry terms across all parks.

From May 19th 2019 for every six children entering the park, one adult will be allowed entry. Boss of Disney Parks Worldwide Michael Mouse stated “The Park is being overloaded with adult guests when the sole intention of Disney magic is to appeal to gullible kids”.

There are also rumours that adults won’t be allowed in the park at all by 2021 due to queue hogging at rides.

We know this will anger many adult Disney fans across the globe.

More info as we get it…

Article written by Joe Kingmate.

An unreliable source has reported to us today that much loved Thorpe Park ride ‘Loggers Leap’ is going to be replaced with a bucking bronco, a ride which is extremely popular in Benidorm nightclubs.

A few weeks ago it was finally announced that Loggers has taken its final leap and will be removed after 3 years of inactivity.  This enraged many of Thorpe fans and enthusiasts alike.

We are sure the bucking bronco will be the ride fans have been waiting for and will be a main attraction for the park.

 

Article written by Francis Bucket

We all love chicken nuggets (or the vegan variety) but CEO of “European Coaster Law” Barry Looper has stated Chicken nuggets are to be banned from all European theme parks.

Speculation arose 2 weeks ago when 5 chicken tenders were thrown at Tea Cup riders at the Fantasy Island theme park in Dorset.

Rider Tracey Butthead 30 said “It was horrific. Nuggets are a danger to our society and more should be done to make theme parks safer”.

Mr Looper stated “In these politically uncertain times, many people are resorting to chicken chucking at parks in protest to Brexit.”

We are all saddened by the news at the office and hope the ban will be lifted soon.

We have no word on chicken burgers yet.

 

Article written by Sue Sosidge